Kiheem

I had a really interesting moment with one of my students last week. See, I have this student Kiheem in my English 1 class and on my SPED caseload. Kiheem started coming to tutoring with me everyday after school as his community service for truancy court. I was surprised that he chose me because at that time I didn’t think we particularly liked each other. Case In Point: one of the first days Kiheem was in my class he told me he didn’t have to do what I told him; we ended up yelling at each other and I had him removed. Another time he told a student (in front of me) that we don’t do work in my class. (I later found out he meant that what we do in my class doesn’t always seem like work. Big Difference!) As you can see my relationship with Kiheem used to be pretty tumultuous.
These days things are different. Kiheem still isn’t one of my best students academically, but that okay because he’s even when he doesn’t do his Do Now he’s still one of my favorite people that I’ve ever known. He makes me feel like a proud big sister, or something along those lines.
In order to properly illustrate the effect I’ve had on Kiheem I am going to write a conversation we had in dramatic form:

Kiheem: Lawson, lemme stay in your room 6th period. I don’t wanna go to Kruger’s class.

Lawson: Why?

Kiheem: His class is ass. He be yellin’ all the time.

Lawson: I don’t know about that.

Kiheem: C’mon! You know I don’t try to start nothing with teachers.

Lawson: What?! Remember when we first met? We were screaming at each other!

Kiheem: Oh yeah! I forgot about that.

Lawson: Well, we just got mat at each other because we’re a lot alike: stubborn and hard-headed. Mr. Kruger’s a good guy, so that’s probably what’s going on with you two too.

Kiheem: I dunno, Lawson.

Lawson: Alright, Kiheem. You can stay in here today, but at the end of my class I’m making you figure out some ways that you can get along with Kruger.

Kiheem agreed to this, and for about 10 minutes sat quietly in the back of my room watching me. I would say he was watching me teach, but I don’t really think that’s what it was. I could tell that he was thinking about me, and about how differently he sees me now compared to how he saw me then. I know this because it’s easy to figure out when someone’s looking at you and thinking about how much they love you and how much you mean to them. Anyway, after that Kiheem walked up to me and asked me for a pass to go to Kruger’s class. And that’s how I know I’ve made a difference with him: I got him to be open to giving someone a second chance.

I'm really upset. I'm most likely not going to be teaching at Vaux next year, which is not what I had planned. Mastery Charter is already planning a takeover, and I can't work at charter schools.

I'm worried for my students. The majority of my kids will be kicked out of a charter school within a month and dumped into another overpopulated high school where the class sizes already break 30. Nobody is planning to change Vaux for them; they are changing the school to get grant money, because the project towers are coming down, and because there's money to be made in taking over schools.

This is hard to deal with. My life revolves around my students and to everyone "higher up" than me acts like that's not enough. It's not enough to love my kids, to create a safe environment for them, encourage them, advocate for them, and actually make them learn for ONCE in their lives. It's depressing.

I can see myself having to stand aside and watch as my beautiful, precious students are left behind.